Thursday July 3/97

I'm here, in K-W. Chad and I got everything moved Monday. We started at 9 and had to get the truck back by 4. It was really hot and humid, too. Very exhausting. On Monday night, we went with Rachel to some Countdown to Canada Day thing in downtown Kitchener. It was pretty boring, if you didn't have kids. Clowns, magicians, terrible '50s cover bands, that sort of thing. But free! We stayed until about 9:30, then went to Rachel's and ate jello. Tuesday (Canada Day), Chad had to work, so I just stayed in and tried to unpack. We didn't even see any fireworks. Wednesday I had that job interview at B____. It went ok, but the job is for someone to design screens in Photoshop for other people to use in multimedia. Their other division, R____ Interactive, puts the multimedia stuff together. So I wouldn't be using most of my skills. It's really just a production artist job, and I'm not really qualified. It probably pays pretty poorly, too. They'll let me know by tomorrow.

I called X last night and I think she'll drive me to Cambridge next week on her day off. It's either Tuesday or Wednesday, but she won't know until the weekend. It was ok talking to her, I just wish I knew more people here.

I was eating dinner tonight and thinking of writing Claire an email just thanking her for being there for me after the breakup. It's not as if we talked about it, but it meant a lot to have an attractive woman talk to me, touch me, make me feel important. Well, just as I'm thinking this, I'm listening to the Rheostatics' Blue Hysteria, and the song "Never Forget" comes on. I've never listened to the words before, but they're perfect. Maybe I should just send her this:

"I just want to thank you
Ok, well I'd like to please you too
But if I just can't have you
I will never forget.

I'd like to alert you
I hope that I'll never hurt you too
And if I can't even flirt with you
I will never forget.

Cause in your eyes I see the sun I feel the rain I hear
the birds flying every day it's in the ice melting and my
heart beating in the heat of my fever how could I ever forget?

Been hiding everything
Inside me is exploding too
The shelter that you show me
I could never forget

Becoming just something
Be leaving every single thing
Behind me there's nothing left
I will ever regret

Something's there
it's in the air
it's everywhere
it's in your hair

Out on the street I see your smile on every baby
every tree every animal I see your face it's
in the sun shining and the moon crying in
machines in the weather in my dreams I could
never forget."

--The Rheostatics

I guess it could be an X song, too...
That's weird, because I can't share these feelings with her anymore. I mean I think she acknowledges my right to feel them; it's just that she doesn't want to know.

Claire was great. I didn't need to tell her stuff. She would just come up and press her leg against mine or something. It wasn't even flirty, I think. But I really needed that sort of contact, intimacy. I still need it. And I don't want to imply that Claire just filled a gap. In her own right, she's wonderful. If she wasn't already with someone, I'd be right there. In a way, I'd like to let her know that, but in a gentle way.

At our reception at T____, she wore a little black dress: not tight, but short and very elegant. She reminds me of Twiggy, short blonde hair, thin, great legs. But she's got spacey eyes, really striking. Not conventionally pretty, but beautiful nonetheless. I hope we stay friends.

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